Dating after a long term relationship

By the time my ex asked for a divorce, 13½ years after we said “yes” to our covenants at age 22, I was almost a completely different person. You aren’t the same person anymore, and you need to rediscover the new you before you start dating again. After I thought about it a little, I decided it was a good idea to swear off dating at the end of a long relationship. You might be fundamentally the same at the core, but you are still different. Hell, just being with someone for a year changes you.I wanted to know who I was — and if I even liked her. (Maybe I enjoy being single much.) But there are still days that I feel sad about what could have, should have, might have been.Divorce is one of those things that involves the stages of grief. But at the beginning, there was a lot of sadness, loneliness, and anger.Now, here’s something eminently common that tends to happen in the dating scene, and much more often than one might think if I may say so myself.People will tell you that they want to date you when they’ve recently gotten out of a relationship. Has anyone else ever experienced someone saying any of those things when they’re hoping to date you? And many times, they were people that were married, saying that they were separated, and they always ended up not being emotionally available.Mariah Carey said it best, “Love Takes Time,” and if you or someone else that recently got out of a relationship wants to rush, rush, rush, in order to get over their past hurt and heartache, then whatever situation that you or they will find themselves getting into not only won’t thrive, but likely won’t last very long.

And as far as people telling you that they’re ready when they’re not, only to “get what they want,” I’m going to be harsh and tell you that it’s a sin—because it is.

Everyone deserves to feel loved and adored, and if you date someone too soon after they just get out of a relationship—Especially, a long-term relationship—then there’s a 99.9999% chance that they’re not going to fall for you on any level, let alone a deeper one.

A lot of times, people will feel that the only way for them to get over and recover from a past relationship is to quickly put themselves out on the market to date or yes, I’m gonna say it, to hook up. Not just because I don’t promote meaningless sex, but moreso because you’re heart will never be open to love if you date too soon.

No one should manipulate, trick, deceive, or lie to someone by telling them that they’re ready to love you and be in a relationship with you, when they’re not, and when they’re perhaps still getting over their ex. I’ve seen this happen way too many times, and it’s truly unfortunate how this selfish act of wanting quick, immediate, and instant gratification happens, and not caring who one will hurt along the way, as long as someone gets what they want.

It doesn’t matter how much someone says that they’re ready to date you or that they’re emotionally available after their breakup, because if it was a recent breakup from a long-term relationship, the chances are that they’re either not over their ex, not over the issues that they had with their ex, or that they’re not emotionally available or ready for something serious.

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No one, and I mean NO ONE is ready to date someone with pure intentions right after getting out of another situation that didn’t work out. I’m not talking about dating someone after you’ve gone out on a couple of dates or even explored a very short, one week or so relationship.

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